The Battle of the Century

I was reading one of my daily feeds the other day and I saw a review of a science book that involves the question of whether or not animals (and particularly chimpanzees) have theory of mind. You can read the review here. My immediate reaction was to say to Amy "seriously, if I find out that chimpanzees have theory of mind and Mowgli doesn't, I am going to be pissed." For those of you that read this blog, or have researched the topic, theory of mind is the ability to attribute mental states—beliefs, intents, desires, pretending, knowledge, etc.—to oneself and others and to understand that others have beliefs, desires and intentions that are different from one's own. It is something that children with autism struggle with, and it is one of the great impediments to social/emotional development. Apparently it isn't out of the realm of possibility that chimpanzees have it in some rudimentary form. Really science? I need to be told that a chimpanzee has a step up on my son? So I got to thinking - in a head to head competition between Mowgli and chimpanzees, a best of seven battle royal, who would come out victorious?

[For those of you who personally struggle with theory of mind, or have absolutely no sense of humor, this post is intended to be a joke - it kills me that I have to write that, but there are a number of people out there who I know would take this seriously if I I didn't]

I. Theory of Mind: As stated above, apparently the chimp has it, and Mowgli doesn't. Chimp 1 - Mowgli 0

II. The Potty: Mowgli, though slow with his potty training, has made some progress over the past year, though regressions (like this week) are always right around the corner. For the most part, he goes number one on the potty. As for number two, he has figured out that he has to run into the bathroom and close the door, though he still utilizes the diaper for the actual event. Apparently, according to my research, one of the reasons that chimps make lousy house pets (thank you internet for a number of articles on this subject) is that they can't be potty trained. Additionally, they like to play with and sometimes eat their poo (they're looking for nutrient rich seeds inside). Though Mowgli has been known on occasion to schmeer - he has yet, to our knowledge, eaten it (a lot). As we can hope that eventually Mowgli will be trained, I'm going with him on this one. Chimp 1 - Mowgli 1

III. Violence: You remember that lady who had a chimp as a pet and got attacked? You don't? Feast your eyes on this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Has Mowgli had his moments? Sure (read more about it here). Has he taken our faces off and danced a jig on our skull innards? Not yet. Win goes to Mowgli. Chimp 1 - Mowgli 2

IV. Sounds and Vocalizations: Chimps are among the noisiest of all wild animals and use a complicated system of sounds to communicate with each other. A loud "wraaa" call, which can be heard more than a mile away, warns of something unusual or disturbing. They "hoo-hoo-hoo," scream, grunt and drum on hollow trees with the flat of their hands, sometimes for hours. So does Mowgli.... It's a push. Chimp 1 - Mowgli 2

V. Socializing: Chimps touch each other a great deal and kiss when they meet. They also hold hands and groom each other. A chimp often has a special "friend" or companion with which it spends a lot of time. So does Mowgli (his name is Kevin by the way). Again, it's a push. Chimp 1 - Mowgli 2.

VI. Tools: Chimpanzees use large sticks and branches as clubs or throw them at enemies like leopards and humans. They also use grass stems or twigs as tools, poking them into termite or ant nests and eating the insects that cling to them. They are able to wedge nuts between the roots of a tree and break the shells open with a stone. Mowgli goes to occupational therapy three times a week - and he's doing the best he can damn it! Cut the guy some slack! The win goes to the chimp...for now. Chimp 2 - Mowgli 2.

VII. Intangibles: Though chimps hug, no one hugs like Mowgli. Though chimps have been known to express complex emotions, they don't have a smile that melts your heart. He's a one of a kind kid, and I wouldn't trade him for any chimp in the world. That said, I'm sure this post will be widely circulated when I'm having my face surgically reconstructed, as "Dad's famous last words".

Mowgli wins 3-2.

Adventures in Expressive Language

Simply put, expressive language is the ability to express wants and needs. Though Mowgli possesses some expressive vocabulary (particularly as it pertains to popsicles - "I want purple popsicle, please!") as well as some of the language forms and concepts, like many children with ASD, he struggles with language processing, and the finer points of pragmatic and social language. When coupled with his difficulty self-regulating and his cognitive rigidity, language arguments, or in other words, conflict that begins with or is driven by language, cause him the most stress and disruption. And without the expressive language necessary to work through the issue, Mowgli seems compelled lately to resolve all issues the same way - with relative levels of physical aggression and/or self-injury. Most of these events can be broken out by level of severity for greater simplicity in explanation.

1. The Displeasure Punch: This involves a minor displeasure such as "No, Mowgli, you've already played enough computer for today" followed by full eye contact, a grunt, and what appears to be Mowgli combing his own hair with his knuckles. This is purely a self-injury shot across the bow, and is actually sort of funny to watch - he's preparing us for something worse, his version of "I better get my way or else" - a standard tantrum behavior for children. We usually laugh these off and refuse to give in because it isn't healthy for him to think that he can manipulate us with such a, quite frankly, lame ass effort.

2. The Hug and Scratch: This is extremely devious. It usually occurs in the morning when he doesn't want to get ready for school. He'll lean in to Amy as if to hug her, and then once he has her locked up, he scratches her neck or back. Again, we try not to react to this behavior because it's bullying, and there is really no mystery why he's doing it - he doesn't want to go school. Message received.

3. The Alligator Punch: This is usually the next stage of anger after the Hug and Scratch. If he doesn't feel like he satisfactorily made his point with the scratch, he makes two punching fists, but then comes at you with both fists clapping together in front of him, like an angry sideways Pac Man. We usually just dodge this and ignore it - again, there's no great mystery why it is happening.

4. The Shake and Bake: This is where it starts to get a bit more serious. These are the instances where he can't get his point across, we're struggling to understand him, and he's simultaneously being told to do something that is not preferred (pretty much anything that doesn't involve playing on a tablet). These are the instances where his front brain (where anger resides) takes over and you might as well be trying to convince a cat to take a bath. And since we don't have the ability to freeze and reverse time (yet) there's no going back at this point, and there isn't any way to diffuse it, except walk away and let him left/right, left/right, left/right the beejesus out of his head until he decides that he's made his point. Redirection and calm is only attainable if he decides that it is, there's nothing we can do to change the course of events, so distancing ourselves becomes the best option. Which brings me to...

5. Defcon 5 - Total Annihilation: This is what happens when a pig-headed gentlemen such as myself decides that he is going to directly confront Mowgli during a Shake and Bake situation, and compel him to act "appropriately". It took a number of these events for me to learn my lesson, but realize that I'm 25% Trunfio - my grandmother's uncle once found himself stuck in a cage with an angry, hungry bear (he was a zookeeper) and rather than flee the cage, decided to fight it. That said, the last time this happened, which I realize now will be the very last time I ever confront Mowgli and try to calm him down from a Shake and Bake, it ended this way:

That's a full length mirror. He used his head to break it. Before everyone starts gushing about the "poor child", recall that this is SELF injury - I didn't throw him into a mirror - he walked down the hall, grabbed it with two hands, lined it up, and drove his head through it. Our immediate instinct was to make sure he was okay (which he was) and remove the glass from the area.

After thinking about it for quite some time, I realized that smashing the mirror was his only way to express total frustration and anger. He can't yell at me, or tell me why I'm being unfair, or how he wishes I would just leave him alone. He can't do any of that. So he does what he can to get the point across. I got it now buddy, I hear you loud and clear.