Siblings and Friends

The giggles of my daughter are heard, coming from my son's room. I consider the laughter a good sign, only eerie silence occurs during times of trouble making. The giggling increases in volume, as another voice joins the first. I hear my daughter say, "I'm going to tickle you!". I decide to go investigate, if Mowgli doesn't want to be touched, this could end with his sister getting pinched.

I walk into the bedroom. Both my children, Mowgli and Baby Girl (B.G.) are sitting close on his bed. Both children are smiling, they lock eyes as B.G. leans in to give her brother another tickle. They are three years apart in age. B.G. is a month shy of her 3rd birthday. With the way she interacts with he big brother-the patience, the love, you'd think she was 2 years old, going on 30. Only her little body gives away her age.

I stand quietly in the door way watching them, hoping my presence doesn't disrupt their play. B.G. tickles Mowgli again. He laughs and leans in, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, they hug. Mowgli presses his lips firmly against B.G.'s cheek, and holds them there for several seconds, he's giving her a kiss. Most children in B.G. 's position would pull away, but not her. She is accustomed to her brother's abrupt (and sometimes forceful) displays of affection. Mowgli unlocks his embrace, and the tickling from B.G. continues.

I continue to watch them, a smile on my face, a feeling of contentment enveloping me. Any parent will agree, that the sight of their children happy together, is one of the greatest gifts. What I observe next, pushes me to tears of joy.

Arms outstretched, fingers wiggling, Mowgli tentatively leans towards his sister. He is attempting to tickle her. He seems so unsure, his eyes darting from B.G.'s face, to her tummy (the target of his tickling). B.G. recognizes his attempt and giggles, as his fingers lightly touch her. I gasp, and immediately praise Mowgli. I know I have just witnessed a momentous event. Mowgli is actively socializing with his sister. Not only did he respond to her, he reciprocated!

The inability to socialize or the impairment of social skills, is the hallmark trait of a person with autism. Long after the the struggles with speaking, coordination, and physical sensitivities (over or under) are overcome (or effectively managed), the difficulties in socializing persists. Many adults with autism, have developed formulas to help them interact appropriately with others. Many dissect their past encounters with scientific precision to come up with these formulas. If at any point a formula fails to get the desired result, they are thrown off balance. The book, Understanding Autism for Dummies, written by Stephen Shore, Linda Rastelli, and Temple Grandin, gives some great examples of the person with autism's struggles with relationships (both Shore and Grandin have autism).

As I watched Mowgli tickle his sister, I could see him testing his new social skills. I could almost hear him thinking 'Will she pull away? Will she cry? Don't tickle too hard. Avoid poking her eyes!' He had learned from past experience what can happen if he tickles the wrong way. The skills that came as an infant to his sister (for example, reading facial expressions), have to be taught to Mowgli.

I once met a woman who was the younger sister to a brother with cerebral palsy. She looked at B.G. and said "She's a special child, because she has a brother like Mowgli. She will always love and care for him. She will always see the world with different eyes, because of him."

I believe B.G., would have been special regardless of her brother's autism. Her personality is vibrant. He nature is gentle and inquisitive. She radiates happiness. I cannot argue the fact that her brother's existence has enhanced those qualities, as her existence has positively impacted his life. She is his best friend and greatest teacher.

The children scramble off the bed, B.G. chasing Mowgli out of the bedroom. As B.G. passes me, I stop her, and give her a kiss. "You're a good sister", I tell her. "Thank you mommy!" she replies, then yells to her brother "I'm gonna get you!". He giggles and runs down the hall, a game of tag has begun. Yes, special indeed!